July of Independence

If you were looking for love

you knew where to find it

I've always been here

But you've never minded

The distance I keep

Is for your own growth

Your passions too deep

For healthy reunions 

Yes,

 I love you still

Always have

Always will

If you were looking for love

But maybe you weren't 

An impassioned sarx

A fiery  smirk

Ill keep my distance

For my own health

I hope you will join me

Instead of that hell

Remember 

Still love you

Always had

Always Do.

I didn't forget about you

Check out my new site introducing an upcoming movie. Http://jthemovie.wordpress.com

Mad women and angry birds

Have you met a women who just absolutely refused to accept help from anyone?

Well I have a confession to make, I used to be one of those women.

I was so angry at the world for being so hard that I felt like I had to prove that I could handle all of these trials by myself.

But the amazing thing is that when you allow other people to help you like I learned how to allow other people to help me is that it releases you of the burden and allows peace to come into your life.

I think the turning point was actually from some advice that my father gave me.
I remember him saying to me that "just because you can do it on your own doesn't mean you have to" do it on your own.

There are a lot of very capable women out there whom I think have misconstrued the message of women's lib. The women's liberation meant that we have the opportunity to pursue the things we want to and that we can be strong.

For me personally I felt that by allowing a man to help me I was somehow forfeiting that strength and I had seen it as a way of being vulnerable and weak. But then I realized how much energy I was spending by doing everything by myself and that there are people who want to lend a hand not because they think I'm incapable but because they simply want to enjoy more time together.
Now I still enjoy lifting heavy objects and getting dirt underneath my fingernails like any other good tomboy does, but now I can graciously accept help without taking it as an insult.

So guys if you meet a woman who doesn't want your help don't take it personally she's just working through some issues. The best thing for you to do is to reaffirm to her how incredible you think she is and let her know that you don't see her as weak. You see her as capable and that you just want to have time with her to enjoy her company.

And ladies if someone is trying to help you...well, I'm not going to tell you what to do. Because quite frankly we know that there are people who try to help as a way of controlling us. The distinction is, is this person offering to lend a hand for me to reach my objectives? and my pursuing my own goals? Am I taking advantage of the opportunities to do what I want to do or is this person trying to help steer me a different direction and change my life course and change my life plans?

Stay true to you, and let people help.

Shape shifting/true self stories

There are two legends that come to mind: the legend of silkies and the stories about Swan maidens.

After further research I found out that there is a similar type of story in almost every culture.

Which leads me to conclude that identity and our public persona is something that is prevalent for all walks of life.

The interesting thing to me is that in the story of the swan maidens and many of the stories there is a hidden clothing that can be stolen, so our identity can be taken away from us. And then by some miracle we could find ourselves again so the saying 'I need to find myself' isn't a cheap excuse but rather is something that consistently appears throughout mankind's history as a normal human need.

Or as normal as you can get by taking the shape of an animal.

A brighter day

My husband says I should start a blog about how to be an optimist and different optimistic ways of looking at things.

I said I already have a blog. It's true this blog is more about communication, but your perspective, optimist or pessimist, helps frame how you communicate.

Knowing this gives you so much power and so many more options in how you direct conversation.

If you are looking to turn a tense conversation around, you can use empathy to create a bonding conversation rather than a confrontational conversation. You do this by saying 'if I understand what you are saying you ....(then repeat back to them what they said). This lets the other person know they have been heard and they will be more receptive to listen.

Remember, communication is about connecting as Human beings. It's more important to build bridges of understanding than to win the argument.

Dream, life

Remember being young and waiting for something profound to happen?

I use to look everywhere curiously exploring for some secret code that would unlock the mysteries of life.
Everyone would see what I discovered and marvel at my genius.
I'm not sure when I stopped but At some point I got on with the business of life.

I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
And kept working..... I forgot about how others would see me for the work that I do and immersed myself in the joy of doing.

I think it was Stanslaviski (philosopher of acting) who said "love the art in you, not you in the art."

As I stop and look back at my life I can see a definite paradigm shift, but there is no defining moment to point to.
Just lots of little moments of falling in love with life over and over again, consistently choosing to be optimistic about myself and others, and allowing the confidence of an accomplishment (no matter how small) to encourage me to try more next time.

So maybe that is the profound secret to life. If you want to pursue your dreams and live happy. Then do it. Quit talking about it. Do!

Confession of a middle-aged Minecrafter

Yes I admit it, I play Minecraft. My sons and I have always played something together, be it Legos, board games, or the occasional 3 player video game. Somehow our recent entertainment choices let us to diverge into our separate little cocoons.
Then they insisted that I join them in this game.

I love that I have teenagers who keep me up to date on the latest trends. They were the first to introduce me Gungdom style, dub step (although the sound of it is reminiscent of music I was listening to at their age. But it is their generation let them name their own genre.)

Christmas comes around and my sons decide I needed to get mine craft. We play, I mine, and I get overrun with zombie because apparently they spawn in dark places and I was just mining willy nilly without putting up torches. So my young heroes come in and banish those evil zombies and skeletons and shine light in the dark caverns of my world.

Some of my peers have wondered how I have such responsible, polite young men. (Their good manners go beyond saving old ladies from mine craft zombies, but you'll just have to take my word on it. )
I really did not know any specific HOW did my boys grow to be such great young men?!
Then I heard two words that triggered years of hard work I had forgot. I was trying to figure out the game, and one of my sons was coaching me how to craft stuff, so when I started figuring it out he said "good thinking." I did a double take and he said it again. The same words, years ago, I said to them to encourage their baby steps of progress and to teach them they are capable of thinking for themselves.
I didn't know what I was doing when I became a parent. All I knew is that I am the happiest in my life when I trust my own instincts, so I wanted to instill that in my kids.
The act of communicating my faith in their ability, so as to give them faith in their own judgment, has grown not just the original fruit of self confidence, but also friendship, recognition, safety, love, and on and ect.

Which leaves me wondering. There is so much to gain from paying attention to your kids, why would anyone not. Stress? Than let go of what your worrying about and play a game with your kids, it's not just a stress release your building a lifelong friendship. How you treat your kids today, is how you will be treated tomorrow.